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March 5, 2023: Friendship with God
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In the words of St. Irenaeus from the second century, “Friendship with God brings the gift of immortality to those who accept it.”
As most of us would know by experience, friendship is a part of life that takes hard work to make happen well, taking time and commitment, while remaining one of the great blessings in life given by God. Or, for the lucky few, friendship comes naturally and easy with all the virtues meant to accompany a good, healthy relationship. It is said – by who, I don’t know – that if a person is blessed with one or two “close” friendships during our lives, then such a person has done well.
I think of a gentleman my age whom I would consider an acquaintance who recently died. He lived his entire life in Worcester. In his well-written obituary from family members, it mentioned how everyone in Worcester knew him. Well, everyone in the sense of many more people that the average person is known throughout Worcester. If his name was “Spag” and lived in Shrewsbury, then the term “everyone knew him” could be taken more literally. This other gentleman I refer to certainly did seem to know many people in the city of Worcester. I guess we can place him in the top two percent of well-known people in Worcester because of the number of people who knew him by sight and/or name. But I ask the question, “How many friends did he have over the length of his six decades of life?” In other words, how many close friends, friends to be trusted with your life, friends who will show up if you’re dying in the hospital, friends who will be honest with you until it hurts, friends who would visit you in a nursing home, or pray for the good of your salvation each day? How many men and women were part of his circle, not only of trusted advisors who knew him and liked him, but his circle of true friends?”
Honestly, I do not know the answer to how many dear friends, close friends, unyielding friends were established in his life. Whatever the answer happens to be, which is now irrelevant, I pray to our merciful God that, as part of a very large crowd of people who knew this gentleman, that God has been merciful to him as I pray He will be to me, and grant him eternal rest with the Communion of Saints, a group we all do well to be friends with.
Friendship with God, in the words of St. Irenaeus, offers us quite a number of promises, all good. Maybe as many promises as the gentleman from Worcester apparently had friends. Friendship with God, however, takes on a very different look than a friendship with any dear friend of ours, although there are many qualities and dynamics that are similar. When I reflect on friendships between two human beings, such loving relationships will take on many forms and looks. I think of Fr. John Foley and his brother Msgr. Mike Foley. They are not only blood brothers, but they are truly the best of friends in the best sense of the word friendship. All the years they’ve spent on their days away (day off) from priesthood, living in the same home, and they still talk to each other with admiration and respect…it’s a genuine friendship between brothers. Which is pretty good for a couple of guys from Vernon Hill. Or, I think of a loving friendship between a husband and wife. I’ve been blessed to know a number of such friendships over the course of my priesthood, especially those from the Greatest Generation, but not limited to this group of folks. What’s such a blessing about husband and wife friendships is how they maintained their best friendship over decades of marriage. I’ve heard it said more than once when a husband/wife lost their spouse, ‘I’ve lost my best friend.” And they meant it.
St. Irenaeus, on the other hand, presents in the above writing our friendship with God as a friendship that comes with rewards that only God can offer us on our end. Whereas the many virtuous rewards of true friendship can be many, from presence, to understanding, to support, to sharing laughs, to trusting them with something in your life reserved only for a few certain people, our many rewards of maintaining a friendship with God begins and ends with an everlasting significance. And, whereas a husband and wife friendship has its own unique rewards and blessings, with a certain closeness that differs even from that of a sibling, friendship with God would be the starting point of all true, lasting friendships. This would be true for any virtue we practice. When we love family, when we love neighbor, when we love enemies, when we pray for persecutors, we find the Source and strength of such virtuous living in God alone. Our capacity and willingness to build up families and friendships is dependent upon an active and healthy friendship we have with our Creator.
I think of a situation I’m aware of at this time where one Christian is being maltreated by two other folks who, apparently, call themselves Catholic. The situation makes me wonder where and how the maltreaters have lost all sense of a friendship with God. Because if one has an active, humble, loving, and joyful relationship with the Lord, then said person or persons would not treat another Christian, or anyone, the way this individual has been treated. Therein lies an ever-present danger when we lose all sense of our friendship with God. When and if this friendship we’re invited to establish with the Lord is put aside at any moment of our lives, such as many in political office tend to favor with their separatist mentality toward their Catholic faith, living the absurdity that God is going to give them a free pass on decisions they make in their work, the “My politics is not my faith crowd,” then what’s been established is a path and direction where other people will be treated like garbage rather than holding to the beautiful teachings of our faith which avoids such treatment in all situations with all people. When Jesus taught his disciples, “Be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect,” he wasn’t joking around. He meant these words, as well as all his words, to touch every part of our lives. There are no passes on the search for perfection for anyone in any career or walk of life.
Friendship with God, as St. Irenaeus writes, comes with the gift of immortality. But what leads us to immortality is greatly dependent upon the living of authentic love in this life. To be friends with God is to strive for love through words and deeds throughout the whole of our lives. Friendship with God is akin to the commandment to love God and neighbor. We cannot be friends with God and be touched by his gift of immortality in the resurrection when Jesus returns, if we turn our back on our brothers and sisters. This would be the equivalent of turning our back on God, for “what you do to the least of my people, you do to me.” This degree of Christian awareness we do well to not lose along this journey of faith, an apparent loss reflected in the above example. And may we also not lose the insight that this journey is just that, a journey of faith. Meaning, our faith is to lead us, not only in the Church, but out there in the world of home, business, careers, and wherever we find ourselves. St. Paul teaches us that Christian faith is faith working through love, and not faith put aside accompanied by actions that mistreat others.
Working on our friendship with God during the season of Lent is a good spiritual project. God is Friend; He is not the enemy. Enemy is the title that belongs to the Tempter from last week’s Gospel. What makes this Lenten project of God’s friendship easier, if you will, is our friendship with God not existing as a relationship where He in His power dominates us to the point of us being subjects rather than his friend. (“I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing. I have called you friends…” John 15:15) God is not domineering on one side, like a few spouses may be, while the other one in the relationship is seen as a wimp. There’s a world of difference between sacrificial love and being walked over. To be best friends with God, who knows everyone in Worcester, Shrewsbury, and everywhere, we have in our friendship with the Lord a 2-way street. I have a friend who likes to say to a few people, “They name streets after you,’” meaning one-way. But not with the Big Guy upstairs. He’s all about open communication while giving us the graces we need to arrive at the point of our reward; that of immortality.
With the uncountable number of words St. Irenaeus wrote during the 2nd century about our Christian faith, words that still resonate, and will until the Lord comes back, his insight concerning our friendship with God is one of his best. Which is saying something, as St. Irenaeus has given the Church thousands of holy insights. As we continue our trip through Lent, allow God to be who he is; our saving God of course. But also reflect on the holy thought of God as Friend. When taking the time to do so, I pray you experience the comfort and confidence that will penetrate our hearts in the number one two-way friendship we are blessed to share in this life.